Unicrois Sauce – Homemade Embrocation

The howl of super rhinos on rollers, the aroma of freshly ground coffee, that first glimpse of the parcours, the taste of warm, salt and honey porridge, the feel of mud and sand  on your bars. Cyclocross is a party for the senses and there are precious few sensory memories that will take you back to ‘cross more than race day embrocation. Initiated by the Europeans, embraced by the Americans it is the absolut ubiquitous cyclocross accoutrement.

While America is paving the way for artisanal cyclocross skincare options in Scotland we have next to no option but to look overseas for our embrocation needs. This struck me as a bit mad considering the boom in popularity of the sport here and across the rest of the UK. After a few rainy nights of internet learning and heavy cheese dreams the seed was planted for Albannach embrocation, Unicrois Sauce.

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“An in-development, potentially effective ‘cross embrocation for shitey weather conditions; Unicrois Sauce is a mad blend of energetic, aromatic and cosmetic oils, butters and waxes derived from natural and naturalised (mostly) Scottish fauna.”


HOW I MADE UNICROIS SAUCE

I’m under no illusion that this stuff is going to be the next biggest thing in ‘cross so in the interests of readership, transparency and apparent skin safety here’s how I made Unicrois Sauce; I didn’t infact pot up a blended unicorn head.

INGREDIENTS

Carriers

  • Scottish Rapeseed Oil ~ Brassica Napus ~ Scar tissue reducing fake bake
  • Beeswax ~ Cera Alba ~ Antibacterial duffel coat
  • Shea Butter ~ Vitellaria paradoxa ~ Post shave uber nut moisturiser

Energetics

  • Chilli Seed ~ Capsicum Oleoresin ~ Beer jacket for your pins
  • Peppermint ~ Mentha Piperita ~ Antiseptic mojito zinger
  • Winter Green ~ Gaultheria Procumbent ~ Nature’s TUE pain reliever

Aromatics

  • Bog Myrtle ~  Gale Palustris ~ Native insect repeller
  • Juniper Berry ~ Juniperus Communis ~ Not only good for gin and venison
  • Lavender ~ Lavandula Anguvstifolia ~ Pre-start nerve chilleur
  • Lemon Balm ~ Melissa Officinalis ~ Lemony
  • Rosemary ~ Rosmarinus Officinalis ~ Excellent with garlic roastit tatties
  • Scots Pine ~ Pinus Sylvestris ~ National tree of Scotland energiser

Cosmetics

  • Arnica ~ Arnica Montana ~ Black magic bone healer
  • Sea Buckthorn ~ Hippophae Rhamnoides ~ Post-damage skin cleanser
  • Vitamin E ~ It wouldn’t be Scottish without ann E number

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METHOD

1 part beeswax to 5 parts oil (carriers, energetics, aromatics, cosmetics & butters). Combine over a gentle boil in a double boiler. Once combined, take off the heat and add in your energetics, aromatics and cosmetics. A good rule of thumb is that 2% of your total volume should be made up of your energetics, aromatics and cosmetics combined; the combination being to your own smell, feel, taste. Pour into some wee pots and set aside to cool and set.


CARE INSTRUCTIONS

  • For external use only, don’t spread it on your pre-race rice cakes.
  • Skinsuit on first, then embro.
  • If you use chamois cream, then chamois first, then skinsuit, then embro.
  • Treat your pins like your Sunday sour dough, apply the embro and knead throughouly.
  • Wipe your paws clean with baby wipes after the kneading.
  • Don’t get it in your eyes. If you do, rinse with water
  • Wipe off before your post-race shower, embro gets spicy with water.

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It’s still in development so, if after reading the above, you’re a keen embro user and you’re mad enough to try some Unicrois Sauce, get in touch and you can perhaps become a human tester. I’m keen to get feedback on it’s consistency, effectiveness and scent.

I’ll be at SCX1 Cally Park this Sunday with a few pots so come and say hello, scoop out a dod and rub it in pre-race.

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